I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
