I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize