in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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