I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
