Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize