Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
