So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
