Who wears a wallet chain?!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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