If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize