ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
