My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
