i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
