dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize