I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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