Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
