A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
