"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
