why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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