woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
