just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
