He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
