Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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