i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
