At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize