I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
