I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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