i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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