He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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