Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
