he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
