I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
