I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
