She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
