If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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