everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
