We're facebook friends in real life
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The Olympian is in my bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
