His pubic hair was longer than his dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
