I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
