I'm eating all of the evidence.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
