You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
