White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
