He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
