Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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