remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
