i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
