I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
