nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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