The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
