I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
