i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
