i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
