..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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