If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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