he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
