So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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