Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
