I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
