You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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