she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
