Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
