remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
