K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hippo gnu deer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
