I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
