I seem to have left my pride at pride
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
