dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
