Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
