when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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