and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
