He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
