I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize