i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
