Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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