so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
