I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
