There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had to cum in my sink.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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