we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you would pick up someone in the library
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
