I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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