He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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