I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm at about main and main street
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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