it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
