im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
