You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
