I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
