Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
