so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
