direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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