so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
